“So what are you going to do?”
“What will you do?”
“What are you doing there?”
It’s not a wrong question to ask. It’s actually quite a valid question to ask someone who is dropping their normal life– career, friends, and family to go live abroad. It’s quite normal to wonder what a person will “do” living in a foreign country after already establishing a life in their home country. It’s an appropriate question coming from a culture who is very conditioned to “doing” a lot, and value the outcome from “doing.”
I was nervous of those questions as I was preparing to come to Ecuador and before going to the Middle East. I was nervous to give my reasoning in why I was leaving and I would think of all the ways I could make it seem worthy of attention, intriguing, and important.
However now living abroad for a few months, I realize the problem is not the question-“what will you do?” the problem is the expectation of what I thought “doing” should look like. The root problem is my identity issue, my insecurity of finding worth in my doing and seeing the outcome right away.
This identity issue and insecurity did not form all by itself. It formed from the culture I was shaped by. A culture that creates certain expectations and finds value in tasks, seeing results quickly, popular ideas, logical ideas, and #trendymovements. I adopted the idea to have certain expectations for myself, AND people also have expectations of me in what they feel is worthy to support. (can you relate or am I just being super confusing…?)
Basically what I’m trying to get to is this — what I am “doing” right now is super untrendy.
I live in the jungle (which is intense), but a lot of my days are quiet, still, and uneventful. I’m not doing anything with human rights movements, or splashing people with holy water (I hope people aren’t actually doing that anyways). I’m not involved with helping youths get off the streets, or having orphans sit on my lap. I’m not building houses for families and I’m not counseling women who have been abused. There a lot of trendy things I’m not doing. And trust me, not doing what I felt like I should has been something I’ve had to surrender on the daily. After all… I am supposed to change the world right?(wrong!)
Through this experience thus far, I have lost support from others and have come across people being confused by what I am doing. I have felt like the lesser and misunderstood and it’s hard.
It is in those moments I have to surrender and raise my flag of this identity issue.
I suppose the better question after the “what are you doing?” is “why are you doing it?”
Why did I leave and decide to live abroad? Because I had a chance to do something different. Because I believe in getting out of your comfort zone. Because I have a chance to grow in ways I didn’t know I needed to. Because I have a chance to fill a need and support the family I live with. Because my presence is valued. Because I get to see and live with people whose lives are so much harder than mine. Because I believe in investing in my soul, to then later on see the impact and value it has on me. And simply because I just knew that I was supposed to.
That was all God told me to do — go.
And in my willingness to go, it is a battle of fighting against expecatation, and going against popularity. It is the most freeing thing, tied with the most challenging thing. But I highly recommend the challenge. Find freedom and value and go against the worldly expecation my friends. Live boldy 😉
Sincerely,
the not trendy one.
Series of Expansion 
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